i couldn't figure out facebook

Tomorrow at church is going to be awkward. Either the rapture didn’t happen or everyone on Earth is a sinner. Family Radio’s math was technically sound, even bulletproof, so it must be the latter.

Now that the rapture has concluded, we need to prepare for months of Zombie Apocalypse. The Center for Disease Control is here to help. Though the CDC is taking this very lightly, using words like “if” instead of “when”, and “movie” as opposed to “this is going to happen and you will be dead, briefly.”

Since we’re all still here, I’m going to have to redact. Obama is the devil Kenyan.

This is what the zombies will look like. Plan accordingly.

Thirst is a movie about being thirsty. And it delivers. These people are thirsty. So thirsty that I’m putting it into my zombie apocalypse category as opposed to “networking” or “Uncategorized.”

It was supposed to be a sexy photo shoot in the middle of no where, but it all goes wrong when these friends get stranded at a sexy photo shoot in the middle of no where.

From the title you might think this movie is about blood thirsty vampires. You’d only be 1/3rd right. It’s just about being thirsty. But they’re seriously really thirsty. You wouldn’t believe how many unusual things they do to quench their thirst. (Five. Unbelievable.)

Lacey Chabert (pictured) is the smart one in this group. You can tell from her picture that she’s very smart. Except the thing she does with a screw driver, that was something a crazy person would do.

This movie did have a message though. You’ll die without water or diet soda. They didn’t mention soda but most people live just fine drinking solely soda, it’s the same thing right? You can survive 3-5 days without water in comfortable conditions. Less if you’re somewhere hot, like a sexy photo shoot in the desert. The average person at a minimum will need 2 liters of water per day. So if you have 4 people and decide to only bring 4 liters of water you should expect results similar to this movie.

I’ve been reading about tornado/storm/bomb shelters for awhile. For the last 6 years I’ve always been near some type of shelter. In 2005 I spent about 4 days in an 60′s bomb shelter to gain protection from hurricanes. Currently, the “container like unit” (it’s a converted ocean shipping container) that I’m living in has a cement structure right outside the door that I’m supposed to go in in an emergency. The local Djiboutians built it, it’s full of cracks from when they dropped it in place. It looks as if anyone that entered would be crushed by thousands of pounds of concrete.

So all this reading has resulted in some good finds, like this school bus fallout shelter. Several people have had this idea, 12 people in Mississippi stayed in one while their homes were destroyed.

Then there’s prefab fiberglass shelters that you just bury. The smallest one seats four adults and would really suck to be in. They also only lock from the inside, so if your neighbor has one of these bright white doors in their backyard all you need to do is beat them to it. Hopefully they stocked it with supplies.

Some Vietnam vets have buried 55 gallon drums to take refuge. Most just settle for cardboard boxes and spare change.

Another option (for some) is just a stronger house or a strong building. Rammed earth is a technique used by hippies to compact dirt, cement, sand, and other materials into a substance that’s hard as a rock. The buildings here that I thought were cement are actually rammed earth. I always assumed the Great Wall of China was Portland cement and cinder blocks but turns out it’s rammed earth also. Rammed Earth: Good for hippies, good for communists, good for you.